Life is so so so short

I feel so SHOCKED and beyond words.

I really don't know how to described my feeling.

Yesterday I got shocking news about 1 of my church members who passed away while on business trip in china. I mean that's really something unexpected! He's really a family man - someone who upholds his family. Someone who's always there for his daughterssss. I know his daughters are very very close to him. I remember those days I used to feel very jealous in church because his daughters hugged him or rather he go and hug his daughter as though they are best friends. =) Yet he passed away??? My heart goes all out for his family especially his daughters who are my childhood friends.

This morning I'm bombarded with the news that kakak paper logic passed away. I've never really know her name but she's one of the nicest person in this world. She's the one who helped me whenever I got problem photostating or printing. She's always there for EVERY student - helping them whenever she can. The other day I wanted to photostat but I can't cux it's locked by administrator - was blaming her silently why lah she didn't come early when she might be ill that time (I really didn't know). Today she passed away??? The last conversation I had with her was during fire drill last semester after our exam. I can still remember laughing and joking with her about this novel she was holding entitled, "Ombak rindu."

God why??? They are really really young!!

I MISS THE KAKAK PAPER LOGICCC!!!

Why they passed away at a very very young age???

Renewed

I am so glad for PERKEB tonight. Each time I go to PERKEB, I'm recharged back. Thank God for that. I truly need that... After been through 1 whole week of stress, it's good to just worship God in PERKEB. I'm always looking forward to positive things =) Pn Saa'diah - my workplace communication lecturer really smiles a lot and that really makes my day. At least not so gloomy. hehehee...Thank You Lord Jesus for being with me throughout these 5 weeks already! =)

Perfectionist?

I now wonder about first year. Quite funny tho. While lecturer has made things easy for me, I made things pretty difficult for myself. ha ha. Then I realize hey first yr law subjects are quite easy but what I thought was that.. Huh?? How do you prove this case? Burden of proof? Evidence? How come can reach this judgment and etc etc.. Made life difficult for myself.

I feel very uncertain when I have to answer question during tutorial time. Unless I need to rescue the situation, I usually won't answer. But I do lah to gain marks hoping in my heart lecturer will not question me further. U c? Then I read someone's blog and I wonder am I a perfectionist? Maybe yes huh!! ?? 

I kinda dislike perfectionist cux they have to be perfect in everything though not so perfect. However, I always wonder about lots of things. Even as I answer 1 question, my mind will race to another question pretty fast. So that's why when I answer something, I'm pretty unsure of it cux there's always UNENDING QUESTIONS racing on my mind. I have to feel confident enough before I can answer but then I realize lecturers are not even expecting us undergrads to be perfect. Just some answers on the surface will do. Why do I push myself so hard? Funny when I think about it.

Maybe I should continue my master. I really want to learn more and deeper about something. 10-12 weeks of semester doesn't really help you much. YOu have to learn so many things but on the surface only. While I continue to question, I know I won't get answer. Besides, I don't have the time to search for all the answers to my questions. Sometimes I wonder if my question is even logic. haha..That's why it's safer at times to ask friends instead of lecturer although I yearn and thirst for extra knowledge from lecturer. Dilemma.

Is this what you call perfectionist? I don't think I am. 

Life is full of wonders when you get answers to your questions. 

Rainbow behind the darkness. =)


*BTW I got a little irritated that someone who don't sit beside me will actually be so nice to me during exam. I seriously don't treasure such friends. YOu think I am your exam answering machine?? U'll always be stupid this way you know. *

Good day!!!

The Distant Hours - little little chicken

I like this particular letter very very much. Very warm and I could feel the love and the closeness that they share with one another. Genuine kind =)


Dearest Merry,


My clever, clever chicken! YOur story arrived safely and soundly and I wept when I read it. What  a beautiful, beautiful piece! Joyous and terribly sad, and oh! so beautifully observed. What a clever young Miss you are! There is such honesty in your writing. Merry, a truthfulness to which many aspire, but which few attain. You must keep on; there is no reason why you shouldn't do exactly what you wish with your life. There is nothing holding you back, my little friend. 


I would love to have been able to tell you this in person, to hand your manuscript back to you beneath the tree in the park, the one with the little diamonds of sunlight caught within its leaves, but I'm sorry to say that I won't be back in LOndon as I thought. Not for a time, at any rate. Things here have not worked out as I'd imagined. I can't say too much, only that something has happened and it's best for me to stay at home for now. I miss you Merry, you were my first and only friend, did I ever tell you that? I think often of our time here together, especially that afternoon on the roof, do you remember? YOu'd only been with us a few days and hadn't yet told me you were frightened of heights. You asked me what I was frightened of and I told you. I'd never spoken of it to anyone else. 


Goodbye little chicken,
Much love always,
Juniper x